Home found
by sweetooth
Summary: Kara's struggle to rebuilt her life after New Caprica. AU after exodus.KL
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Battlestar Galactica or any of its characters

Title: Home found

Author: Sweetooth

Summary: She did not understand what had just happened. One minute she was deliriously happy, a child she loved in her arms, her husband, and freedom; the next her daughter was gone and she was lost. KL

* * *

She did not understand what had just happened. One minute she was deliriously happy, a child she loved in her arms, her husband, and freedom; the next her daughter was gone and she was lost. All around her people were cheering thanking the admiral for bringing them home, but the one place in the world that she had really been able to call home in her life did not feel like it at this instant. She needed quiet to process everything that had happened. Having no idea where to go she started walking and did not stop until her emotions caught up with her and she collapsed against a wall crying.

When a few hours later she found herself standing in front of the admiral she wondered what one was supposed to say to someone you hadn't seen or talked to in over a year. It turned out that she did not have to worry; the admiral took the first step.

"What do you hear Starbuck?"

"Nothing but the rain sir."

"Grab your guns and bring in the cat" he said. And before she had the time to give the "boom, boom, boom" line, she found herself engulfed in his arms. Once out of his embrace she looked him up and down and said with a serious expression on her face:

"You look good sir; well the jury is still out on that moustache of yours but otherwise…"

"I am sorry I can't say the same thing of you Kara." He replied softly. "You look as if you haven't sleep in days and Sam told us he found you passed out in a cylon cell. You should go down to sickbay for a check-up and if Cottle clears you, your old bunk is yours. Get some rest." She was about to protest but seeing the expression on his face she realized that it was an order so she simply said:

"Yes sir." And was about to leave when she heard:

"And Captain Thrace, consider yourself as of this instant reintegrated into the colonial fleet." She saluted and left the CIC.

At least she had something to look forward to, she might feel as if her world had just collapsed once again but she would be able to fly.

* * *

The chaos was reigning in sickbay. She sat and watched people running from one patient to another, all knowing exactly what they were doing, until she heard someone calling:

"Captain Thrace, your next!" She turned around to find herself face to face with Doctor Cottle, a cigarette in his mouth, nothing new here. When she was installed on the examination table he asked her:

"So Starbuck, what bring you here? Never thought I would see you coming here on your own volition."

"I didn't, order of the admiral."

"And why would he do that?" He asked getting impatient.

"I got knocked on the head and lost consciousness for a while. But I am ok, no need to examine me!" He gave her a look and replied:

"Too bad for you because that's for me to say. Now if you please young woman let's answer a few questions. How long did you stay unconscious?"

"I don't know, I'd say about five minutes."

"This is quite a long time, you could have a concussion. Are you feeling nauseous or do you have a headache?" Exasperated she answered:

"No! I am telling you that beside sleep depravation I am alright" Pretending not hearing her he went on with a neurological exam. When he was finished he took a deep breath and with a very professional tone asked:

"I heard you were a cylon's prisoner for four months so I have to ask. Were you tortured or physically abused?" She stared at the wall not responding, lost in thought. So he tried again:

"Captain Thrace, I need to know." Very softly she answered:

"As I told you physically I am fine, but there are different kind of torture and the worst is not always the one you think." With that statement she stood up.

"Am I clear for active duty?" After giving her a long look he replied:

"I'll let commander Adama know that he has one more pilot, I am sure he'll be pleased." he thought he heard her muttered under her breath "I wouldn't be so sure." But choosing to ignore it he went on "If you start feeling woozy or nauseous, you come back here immediately, is that clear?" She nodded.

"And captain if you need to talk I am here or I can give you the name of someone who'll listen." He saw her hesitate and was about to add something when she said:

"I'll think about it. Thank you."

Watching her leave Cottle told himself that they might have manage to escape New Caprica but that the hardest was still to come for a lot of them.

* * *

Lee Adama was thinking exactly the same thing. He had spent the last four hours debriefing various members of the resistance and with each stories his horror grew at what some of them had lived. But something was puzzling him: they never talked of Kara. He knew she was alive, his father had told him that she seemed exhausted but otherwise fine. And he could not imagine her not having been part of the resistance. So what had happened to her?

He saw Sam Anders enter the room, he hadn't change and Lee had some difficulty understanding that this was the man for whom Kara had tried to find antibiotics; a man who was suppose to be at death door. He obviously had survived and from what he had understood had been one of the leader of the resistance witch brought him back to Kara.

He rapidly had an answer; she had been taken the first day of the cylon occupation. But that only brought more questions to which even her husband had no answer. The only thing he could tell them was that he had found her unconscious in the cylon detention center, that he had carried her to escape but when she had woken up she had run back to her cell and that when he had finally caught up with her he had seen her killing a Leoben model and picking up a blond toddler whom she said was her daughter. Apparently that little girl real mother had recognize the child as soon as they had step on Galactica, and Kara had disappeared in the excitation that had followed their arrival. If they wanted more information they would have to ask Kara.

He stayed behind with his father at the end of the meeting. A few things needed to be discuss, and when it came to pilots, Lee had to ask:

"Dad, Kara…I mean did she tell you what happened to her?" His father looked worried.

"No she didn't. She seemed fine, a little subdue maybe, and tired for sure but…"he paused gathered is paper and then took a decision "You know someone will have to debrief her. I was thinking that maybe you should be the one doing it. " Lee contemplated the idea for a while and then answered:

"You know the last time we spoke was the day of the cylon invasion; she was begging me to give her medicine for Sam. I didn't have the time to give her an answer, and you know what I am not sure what it would have been. We're not friends anymore dad, too much happened between us. You should find someone else for this job, Helo for instance."

William Adama thought for a while. It was true that Lee and Kara had their problems, the fights and shooting matches that had occurred before Kara's marriage and departure for New Caprica were the proof of that. He had never managed to know what had happened but then he had never really understood their relationship.

"Look Lee, you won't be able to avoid her, you're the CAG and you will have to deal with her everyday…"Seeing that Lee was about to interrupt he held up his hand "Listen to me Lee! I know you have your differences but in order to work together you'll have to resolve them. I am not asking you to be her friend, I am asking you to do a job. Don't make me order you Lee, please."

"Fine! I'll do it." Lee said. He could already feel old emotions he had thought forgotten coming back. His father was right of course but he could not understand that where Kara was concern it was impossible for him to simply stay professional. Whether he liked it or not he always became emotionally involved, and it usually ended badly.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

He found her on the hangar deck doing maintenance on a viper with the chief. They were working in silence both completely engrossed in their tasks.

He did not go to her directly, just stayed a few paces away watching her. After all these years it still amazed him how much at home she seemed when near a viper. It was the only moment she seemed calm, at peace with herself. The expressiveness of her face, always so changing, was replaced by a mask of concentration. This place was her universe and he still had trouble comprehending how she could have left all this behind even for love.

Surprised by the sudden wave of tenderness that washed over him he almost went to her, he wanted to take her in his arms and forgot everything. But it was soon replaced by rage and self-loathing. She had toyed with his head and heart and he had spent the last year in limbo trying to rebuild his life without her in it but he still felt the urge to protect her and shield her from the world. It was pathetic, really!

A loud crash pulled him out of his thoughts; it was followed by a stream of curses that would have made a priestess blush.

"You're still as fouled mouth as ever I see."

She turned around and stared at him blankly as if he were a stranger. He stared back.

"What do you want commander?" she finally asked.

"Come to my office after your shift Captain, I'll be debriefing you." And without waiting for an answer he left.

* * *

She finally came to her senses after seeing him disappear behind the hatch. To her amazement she realized that something other than anger was filling her. Something she did not want to feel because it opened the door to her being hurt again. 

Ever since her breakdown all she had felt was anger. Rage had filled her then and was slowly consuming her. She couldn't stand being touched or people being compassionate with her, all she wanted was someone to blame. All she wanted was revenge.

Sam had tried being there for her but she had pushed him away and he hadn't fought for her. They were no longer in the same place and he must have realized it, just as she had. She was alone, no one depending on her or risking being hurt because of her, and it was what she wanted.

But Lee even cold and distant had managed to threaten that protective shell. She had known that she would have to see him eventually, but not so soon. The reintegration of the survivors was not going very well; people were traumatized, small children and babies were everywhere and Lee was in charge of putting some order in that chaos. So for the moment he hadn't had time to deal with the pilots.

She heard the chief calling her.

"Captain, are you all right?"

"Yes chief everything just great!" she replied her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I got to tell my story to mister tight asses."

"We all had to; he was present for every debriefing. He asked the good questions, went straight to the point and didn't dwell on personal history. Don't worry Kara he won't let personals feeling interfere with his work. You can blame him for a lot of things but he does his job, and he does it well."

"Speaking of it, have you and Cally obtained family quarters?" She obviously wanted to change the subject and the chief having watched her struggle with herself since her return, knew better than to push her.

"No we haven't, the old lady was not built to receive families, and children even less. They're trying to determine if old quarters could be transformed in small private ones. But it'll still be a while before it's done."

"Yeah, it's pretty crowded and a damn nuisance if you want some privacy." she grumbled. They went back to work the noise preventing any further conversation.

* * *

By the end of her shift the now familiar and comforting anger was back. She knocked on the door of the tiny office that had been her own for a while, and then without waiting for an answer went in. He was sitting behind the desk frowning over some papers, so focus that he hadn't heard her. It was a scene so familiar that a pang of nostalgia hit her. Before she could continue with her observations he raised his head and looked at her. 

"Reporting as ordered sir." He closed the folder in front of him and gesturing toward the only other chair of the office said:

"Take a seat Captain Thrace or should I call you captain Anders now." She couldn't detect any animosity behind that remark so as coolly as he, she replied:

"Captain Thrace will do sir."

"Do you want a drink?"

"No."

"Something to eat maybe?"

"Cut the crap Lee! I am not here to socialize, so stop playing nice!"

"Alright Captain, as you wish." His tone was no longer cool but distant and cold. Good that what she wanted, no feelings just facts. "Give me your report on what happened to you during your time on New Caprica, starting with the arrival of the cylons." She felt trapped; she did not want to talk about it. So she chose to attack, after all it was the best defensive strategy, wasn't it?.

"Ah yes, that famous day" she snarled "the day you decided to leave us to die on that rock without even trying to fight." She saw a flicker of annoyance in his eyes, but he didn't take the bait.

"I am not asking your opinion about my decisions captain."

"Yes of course. It would be so hard to question them." Her rancor was undeniable and all the doubts that had tortured Lee since that day came back in full force.

But he also knew Kara, so he pressed on.

"Look, I am not here to fight with you so you might as well get on with it, because neither of us will be leaving this room as long as you haven't given me your report." She stayed silent and fixed him with a stubborn expression. Then raised her legs and put her boots on his desk, her whole being telling him to do his best. She was acting like a sulking teenager, her reaction was totally irrational and she knew it. But what she had lived in that cell was something private, all she wanted to do was forget it had ever happened.

"Kara." He had said it so softly that she barely heard him. It was the fist time he had called her by her name in a very long time. He was looking at her as if he could read her soul, but there was no pity in his gaze and that's what did the trick. She started talking, he did not interrupt. She gave military facts no more no less, and even thought curiosity was eating at him he did not ask her to elaborate. When she explained about Kacey he glimpsed so much pain in her eyes, he was convinced that she was going to cry. She didn't. The pain was replaced by rage immediately, and that scared him. He had seen Kara go through a lot of crap but she had never been like that, hating and resenting the whole world.

Deciding that she had told him enough he proceeded to safer topics, their pilots, flight schedules and so on. When she left the office two hours later, a basic organization of the squadron had been established and Lee hoped she would be able to deal with the inevitable rift that had been created between the pilots who had stayed on board and the ones who had left.

* * *

TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

She woke up with a start, her breathing shallow and her skin clammy. It took her a while to realize she was safe in her bunk and not back on New Caprica. The visions still vivid in her mind she made her way toward the showers; the water always managed to calm her, sooth the sensation of dirtiness that always invaded her after one of those nightmares.

They were becoming more and more intense and she was exhausted but at the same time she dreaded falling asleep. It had reached the point were it was either accept sleeping pills from the doc, or stop flying. She had opted for the pills. But of course he had filled a report for the CAG. She had caught Lee watching her quite a few times ever since as if he was waiting for her to frack things up. Eventually she had.

She had been in the process of drinking herself under the table when he had happened upon her. He had snatched the bottle away and started screaming at her that if she wanted to kill herself then it was fine but not when she risked crashing one of his planes in the process. He was right pills plus alcohol was not a good combination, and the effects could last for a long time after ingestion, and she had been scheduled for cap the next morning. But at the time he had been the idiot who was ruining one of her rare moments of peace, so she had hit him.

From that point on all bets had been off, he had hit back, and the fight that had ensued had been dirty. She had allowed all her pent up emotions to release themselves, something about seeing Lee Adama enraged had given her that ability. She didn't know how but at one point he had tripped her. Flat on her back but still kicking he had had to straddle her and pinned her arms above her head in order to control her. His physical proximity, his face hovering mere centimetres over hers had had the effect of a bucket of cold water.

She had stopped struggling and looked him straight in the eyes. He had eased his gripe on her arms and they had both relax, completely drain of energy. However none of them had broken eyes contact. Their staring contest could have gone on for a long time if they hadn't heard people coming in their direction. He had released her, took a few steps back and told her that she was not flying till she had resolved her sleeping problems. He had enough pilots but not enough vipers and he was not risking one over her.

After that little episode she had stopped taking the pills, they did not keep the nightmares at bay and she was grounded anyway.

* * *

She was in the process of getting dressed when she heard the alarms go off, followed by the familiar messages pouring out of the speakers. 

"Action stations, action stations, set condition one throughout the ship. I repeat action stations set condition one throughout the ship."

She grabbed her jacket and took off for the CIC, even if it was not her shift she wanted to ear the pilots' shatter. Everyone was tensed, looking at the dradis, waiting for the battle to begin. It came with Lee's order.

"All pilots, weapons free! Engage!"

From what she could gather, several cylon raiders had just jumped in the middle of the fleet. But something bothered her. They were not acting as usual. She focused her attention on the dradis monitor and then it hit her. They were not trying to lock their weapons on a target; they were doing their best to attract the vipers away from the fleet.

"It's a diversion." She mumbled to herself. And then more loudly addressing the admiral she repeated it.

"Admiral, it's a diversion! You have to call back the vipers, now!" She was frantic.

"What are you talking about Starbuck, have you lost your mind! If I do that we're left with no protection!"

"And if you don't, we're all dead!" She yelled back.

Before she could add anything someone said:

"Dradis contact. I see three unidentified ships, going straight for Galactica. They'll be on us in 3 minutes!"

The admiral did not waste anymore time.

"Call back all vipers. And prepare the fleet for jump."

"We don't have time sir, it'll be too late."

"How long until the vipers are in shooting range?"

"Four minutes sir!"

The radiological alarm went off.

"Prepare for inbound!"

The explosion rocked the ship; Kara felt something hit her head. She heard the admiral ordering combat landing to all the vipers and then the jump. After that reality faded away.

* * *

"Chief, what the hell is happening here?" Lee screamed over the noise. 

"The explosion damaged a fuel line sir, the fire is spreading quickly. We need to evacuate, but the civilians of camp oil-slick are stuck behind those ships!"

"Let me help you."

After a few minutes they were able to open a way large enough for the civilians to pass through. When the last one went through, Lee went in to make sure they'd left no one behind. That's when he heard a whimper; the smoke was so thick that he almost missed her. She was huddled on the floor crying and coughing at the same time. He picked her up and run to safety.

She was clinging to him her breathing labored, he looked around for a medic but it was such a chaos that it was impossible. When he felt her go limp in his arms he decided to go straight to sickbay.

He caught a nurse and with a voice that allowed no contestations ordered her to get him a doctor. By then the little girl had regained consciousness but still had trouble breathing. She was gripping one of his fingers and was obviously not letting it go. He found a free stretcher and sat readjusting the little body so she was more comfortable. They waited a few minutes before the arrival of the doc. He looked up when he heard someone clearing his throat.

"Commander what have you got here?" His voice was surprisingly very gentle. Lee felt the child tense, so he told her:

"Hey, don't worry, he's here to help. Ok?" She didn't reply. He wasn't event sure kids her age knew how to talk anyway; but at least she understood because he felt her relax.

"So what happened?"

"I found her in the middle of a fire; she has inhaled smoke and has trouble breathing. Passed out for a while and scared the life out of me." The Doc listened to her lung and then examined her, talking to her reassuringly so she would not get anymore scared. Once he was finished he gave the nurse instructions.

"She needs oxygen, she also has some minor burns so put some cream on them and then bandage them." Then addressing Lee he said:

"She'll need to drink water at regular intervals, and you'll have to hold the oxygen mask because toddlers don't like them at all."

"What? Wait a minute Doc! I am not staying here. I've got things to do out there…"

"You're staying here commander. You also need oxygen and she needs someone to stay with her and unfortunately for you I have no one to spare at the moment." Without giving him time to protest some more he left saying he had other patients to see.

* * *

Over the next hour, Lee discovered that a tired and sick toddler was no fun. She wouldn't let the oxygen mask in place and would start crying whenever he tried to put her in bed. In the end he found that the best solution was to lay down with her in his arms, only then did she stop struggling and fell asleep. He was about to join her when a nurse informed him that she would be looking after the girl now. He was free to go. 

He only had had the time to stand up when he heard an anguished cry:

"Oh my gods, Kacey!" It was Kara's voice. He turned around and saw her a few paces away. She had a bandage on her head and didn't look quite steady on her feet. He went to her, grabbed her elbow and pushed her in the chair next to the bed so she wouldn't collapse. Without acknowledging him she took Kacey's hand in hers and asked again.

"What happened? Where is her mother?"

* * *

TBC... 


	4. Chapter 4

I know it's been a while. I am sorry about that. Hope you'll like it!

* * *

Chapter 4 

Kara was telling Kacey a story using a rag doll to illustrate the heroine's numerous exploits. It had taken them a long time to assure themselves of her mother's fate but they had finally found all the corps, and unfortunately she had been among them. This new development was not something she had expected. She might have wished it those first days after the rescue. At that time the loss of Kacey had been so new and raw that in her rage she had thought that if Kacey's mother had died on New Caprica then she would still be blissfully happy. She wouldn't be alone. But she had come to deal with the loss, had met Kacey's mother and spent a lot of time with the both of them. She had lost a friend today and Kacey the most important person in her life. How in hell were you supposed to tell a two-year old that her mommy was dead and not coming back?

Kacey must have sensed that something was bothering her because she felt a tug on her arm.

"Honey, is something wrong?"

"Mama?" Oh, crap! She had to give the kid credit. She knew how to go straight to the heart of the matter.

"I am sorry sweetie, mama is not here." Obviously that was not the answer she had been waiting for. Knowing that she would have to tell her at one time or another, she thought why not now?

"Kacey did mama ever talk to you about the Gods?" No answer.

"Well the gods are very powerful people. They've created a very beautiful place called Elysian field where brave people can rest forever." She watched Kacey's face trying to detect a hint of understanding. She seemed to follow the story so she decided to go on.

"Your mama went to that place because she was very tired."

"Why?" Oh gods! It wouldn't be as simple as she had hoped.

"Do you remember what happened yesterday?"

"Fire!"

"Yes there was a fire, and you got hurt." She nodded. "And after you were really tired and took a long nap." Another nod. "Well your mama was really, really hurt and she needed to go to that special place I told you of, so she could rest forever." Kacey' face was blank. She obviously did not understand what it implied.

"Mama is not coming back Kacey. Ever." She told her softly. It seemed to her that Kacey was trying to decide whether she was lying or telling the truth. She took her by surprise when she said:

"No Mama?"

"Yes Kacey, no mama." Her eyes filled with tears and it broke Kara's heart. She gathered the child in her arms and rocked her, holding her tight trying to sooth her pain.

* * *

"Where have you been?" 

Oh gods! He was too tired for that.

"Sickbay, hangar deck, CIC…" Dee was glaring at him and when he did not elaborate, she screamed.

"Don't be a smart ass! You could have at least told me you were fine. For all I knew you could have been hurt or worth!"

"Look I am sorry! Ok? It was crazy out there, I didn't have time!" She got even more furious.

"Of course you didn't have time! Poor stupid me, you were too occupied taking care of Kara Thrace!"

"What the frack are you talking about?!"

"Oh so you did not spend the last hours in sickbay with her?"

She was jealous! His sweet, even tempered wife was jealous; and it annoyed him. He felt as if she had no right to be, he hadn't done anything to induce this kind of reaction.

"Yes I was in sickbay. Helping a child and being treated! What? Did you think I would be involved in a trist with Kara Thrace in the middle of an attack?" The look on her face said it all.

"Look Ana I am too tired for that right now. I am going back to the pilots' bunkroom for a while. Let me know when you're once again rational, ok?"

He did not bothered to wait for an answer, grabbed his gear and left.

Ana had saved him from desperation when Kara had broken his heart. She was always there for him no matter what! And he often felt like a bastard knowing that he did not love her the way she deserved. He cared about her a great deal. He even loved her but was not in love with her. Until the rescue it had been easy to forget, at times he had even been able to convince himself that their marriage was all that he had ever wanted: an uncomplicated, steady and safe relationship. But Kara was no longer inaccessible. He saw her everyday and each time the feelings he had tried so hard to bury came back to the surface a little stronger, a little harder to ignore.

Ana must have sensed it and now she feared loosing him. It was a perfectly natural reaction he reasoned. But he was not ready to face it; he was not be able to answer her questions when he himself did not know the responses.

* * *

"Kara, are you sure you want to do that?" 

"A battlestar is not a place to raise a child Admiral. You know that."

"Our circumstances have changed. A lot of crew members are raising children here." Seeing that she was about to interrupt him he held a finger up. "Hear me out Kara! The family quarters are almost ready and people are organizing a daycare system. So yes maybe a battlestar is not the best place to raise a little girl but it's not the worst either. Beside Kacey has already been living here for a while now…"

"Yeah right!" she sniggered "sleeping on a cot on a greasy hangar deck."

"People are doing the best they can with what they have Kara. And right now our most precious processions are our families and friends. Who will be there to help you if you leave Galactica?" She looked away.

"It's not like I have a lot of friends right now anyway, sir."

"Well you still have your family here! No matter what happens Lee and I are your family. You know that Kara?"

"I…It's not that simple sir." She sighed.

"Give me your eyes Kara" he said softly. "You know maybe, just maybe it is that simple." Seeing her confusion he explained. "Maybe you just have to let people be there for you Kara. Everybody needs help sometimes and there is no shame in admitting it." She did not answer. "Think about it Kara. I'll give you a pass for cloud nine, you can stay there for a while and come to term with everything."

"Thank you sir."

"Don't go yet. I have something for you." He went to his desk and took one of the books lying there. "I haven't been around much while Lee and Zack were growing up but there is one thing I remember. Whenever I was on leave I would tuck them in for the night and then read them a bedtime story. It was our special time." He put the book in her hands. "I hope you'll do it for Kacey." It was a beautiful book, leather bound with colorful illustrations. The kid would love it. But somehow it felt wrong to be accepting something that should only be given to a family member.

"I can't! You should give this book to Lee not to me."

"Lee will understand, he stopped asking for a bedtime story twenty years ago." That made her smile. Just the idea of a small black haired boy waiting with his favorite stuff animal in his arms for his father to read him a story, was doing weird things to her stomach.

"If it can make you feel better about it, you can give it to Lee once he has children."

"Alright, I'll take it then."

* * *

TBC... 


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

They had been aboard Cloud Nine for two weeks now. Kacey was slowly accepting the loss of her mother. During the day she was her normal lively self, running around, bouncing on the beds, playing hide and seek and discovering new things. She actually was quite a handful. The nights were a lot more difficult, she often woke up screaming and sobbing "mama" over and over again her whole body trembling like a leaf. The first time Kara had felt completely hopeless. Kacey's terror echoed in her like a long buried memory of her own childhood. She had taken the little girl in her arms rubbing her back and whispering small nonsense to her until she had felt her relax. The nightmare forgotten she had gone to sleep. Kara had spent the rest of the night holding the small warm body letting the overwhelming feeling of love she felt whenever she was near Kacey invade her. In the morning she had reach a decision. This was the kind of life she wanted for Kacey, grass, sun and (almost) fresh air. But with her stay here she had also come to realize that this was artificial. It was a brilliant façade, like a shinny bibelot that attract the eye but when you took a closer look was in reality a fake. Kacey would be happy everywhere if she had someone to watch over her.

And maybe the Admiral was right and it was what she needed too: someone to watch over her. She had thought that everything would be ok if she left Galactica. That the nightmares would stop. That her rage would abate and the restlessness go away. It hadn't. Obviously cutting people out of her life did not resolve any problems. Running away and building walls around her were her defense mechanisms since childhood and they were the reasons she had survived until now. But she was so tired of being alone. She had received the official papers dissolving her marriage ban. Sam was a good man who she was sure had loved her but she had come to accept that when it got too complicated people tended to simply leave. Her mother had often told her that she was not worth fighting for and maybe it was true.

The only persons who had tried to had either died or gotten hurt. That was why down on New Caprica when Lee had gotten too close, had made her confess her love for him, she had chosen to leave him, had chosen betrayal in the hope that it would protect him from her. But she missed him, missed his friendship, the way he always put up with her crap, hell she even missed their fights. The feeling had only gotten worse ever since they were no longer on the same ship. She wanted to be able to see his face everyday to reassure herself that he was alive and well even if he despised her. She longed to hold him in her arms, to stroke his hairs and burry her face in his neck, to simply let go… She had given him up to keep him safe but what if the choice had not been hers to make?

* * *

When they had boarded the raptor that would take them to the luxury liner he had stood on one of the platform overlooking the hangar deck, watching her interact with the blond toddler. He had never thought he would want children someday but all of a sudden he had wanted to be part of the picture they painted. A family, that was what they were and he ached to be part of that family.

If not for his father he would not even had known she was leaving. When he had informed him of Kara desire to quit the military he had been livid with rage. She was running away from her difficulties once again and once again he was going to be left behind. In going to the hangar deck his intention had been to catch her before she left and let loose his anger. All the way down he had heard echoing in his ears his father parting words: "Don't be too hard on her. Being responsible for another human being's life is something new to her; she wants to do her best." he had paused and almost sadly added "She is lost, has been lost for a long time now and this might be the opportunity for her to find her way. Give her some time." He had not wanted to believe him, he had only been able to feel the dreaded sense of loss he had once felt after her marriage, invade him once again, choking the breath out of him. But then he had looked down and seen the smile on her face, something he hadn't seen in more than a year and he had had to admit that his father might be right, that she needed this child to be happy, to have a purpose in life other than shooting cylons out of the sky. So he had let her go, hoping that she would come back on her own volition, whole once again.

After that episode he had realized that he could not go on denying his feelings. The gates were opened and he did not want to close them anymore. What he wanted was Kara Thrace and if he was honest with himself he had wanted her since he had first met her as his brother's fiancé.

He had used their time apart to put some order in his life. Breaking the news to Dee had been easier than he had thought it would be.

When he had walked in their quarters she had simply looked at him and whispered "It's over, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"I… I can't say it's a surprise. I always knew it would come to that sooner or latter. But you take what you can, don't you?" She had given him a disabused smile "I am glad I had you for a while."

The sadness he had read in her eyes had made him want to comfort her, but what could he say? So he had settled for a simple "I am sorry Ana. I hope we can stay friends."

Afterwards they had sat together in silence until the tension had been too much for her to take. She had left the room quietly without even one word of reproach.

The news of his upcoming divorce had spread like wildfire throughout the ship, rumors of his steamy affair with Kara Thrace were exchanged to try and explain it. Apparently they had been having wild sex in closets and in every available rooms of the ship. They had been spotted by several crew members in compromising situations and he had even heard that in some of them Kacey was his and Kara's hidden love child. It was crazy and totally out of proportion. However the apparition of several cylon's raiders the last few days had prevented him from dueling too much on the looks and sidelong glances.

* * *

The raiders' behavior was strange, they never tried to engage combat they simply went straight for the closest ship and crashed themselves on said ship. They already had undergone two attacks and the president was getting worried of the losses they had sustained. Life aboard civilian ships was difficult, most of them had not been conceived for long term travels, they did not have enough space, moments of privacy were rare and it resulted in a state of permanent tension. New Caprica debacle was still fresh in all of their minds and a lot of people were not as thankful as they ought to be toward the military. People who had lost loved ones during the occupations, people who had been tortured, starved, were convinced that the military had left them behind to protect their own lives. They did not trust Galactica to defend them. The president saw those attacks as a test, if they failed then riots might erupt and they would all be in even more troubles.

"What are the reports on the last suicide run commander?"

"Two of the ships are severely damaged; we've lost thirty peoples on the first and we still have no information on the casualties aboard the second, but they will be high."

"We have to find a solution to protect those ships!" The president seemed tired. She rubbed her eyes and sat heavily on the coach of his father's quarter.

"We've already lost so many, we have to protect them we can't loose more, we just can't…" There was desperation in her words and it surprised Lee, she had always been so calm, never showing any weakness.

"Madam President, I can assure you we are doing everything in our power to do so! The fleet has been order to stay in close formation making it easier for the CAP to reach them in case of attack and to keep their FTL drive ready. We have increased the number of vipers on CAP and we've…" Lee was interrupted by the alert sirens. He was up and running to the CIC in seconds. When he arrived he asked Colonel Tight:

"How many?"

"Four, and they are heading toward Cloud Nine." The first thing that came to his mind was that Kara was on Cloud Nine and that she might soon be part of those casualties they were discussing just a few minutes ago. He grabbed the head set in front of him, his heart pounding in his chest, a feeling of helplessness filling him. He took a deep breath assuring himself that no one would be able to detect any sign of weakness in his voice.

"Hotdog, this is Appolo give me your position!"

"We are two minutes away from Cloud Nine Appolo. I got one of them in visual, but I can't see the others. Going after him sir." The line went silent for a few seconds.

"I've had him sir! Ououh…."

"They've taken three out, sir!" Gaeta said

"Hotdog do you have visual contact with the last raider?"

"Sir?"

"Can you see the last raider Constanza?" he asked a little more loudly.

"I… Negative sir! I can't see him."

"Damn it! Where is he?!"

"I got him sir, he is going straight for the artificial dome!"

"Oh frack, if he destroys that dome the ship is lost." One of the officers said.

"Hotdog can the CAP reach him in time?"

"Negative sir. He must have jumped in closer than the others. I'll try to get him out of his course, but no matter what we do he'll crash himself in the ship."

"Go a head Hotdog, acquire and destroy!" He ordered praying that he had not just signed Kara's death warrant.

* * *

TBC... 


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Somebody tell me where is the closest emergency locker!" Damn civilians, unable to take any initiative, always depending on the military to save their sorry ass. Finally a guy pointed toward a door. Thankfully it was not stuck, she grabbed the fire extinguisher and run back to where she had left Kacey. The smoke was getting thicker and people were panicking. Not good. Kacey was still with the nice old lady they had friended during their stay aboard.

"Hey kiddo. How are you doing?"

"Fire!!" She was terrified, big fat tears running down her checks. Kara could only imagine what was going through her head, her mother had perished in a fire and the girl herself had been injured. She knelt down and took Kacey's face in her hands.

"Look at me baby." She waited until the child did so. They did not have much time but it was imperative for Kacey to be calm.

"That's my girl! Now listened carefully. Yes there is a fire and yes it's scary. But we're going to be fine, I promise." Her tears stopped, replaced by occasional hiccoughs. "I want you to do exactly what I tell you. I am going to tie this close around your mouth to help with the smoke. After that we're going to go over here and take the stairs toward the next compartment." She was talking loudly so that the people who were around her could understand the plan. "In the next compartment we'll be able to take the corridors leading us to the surviving pods. Hopefully there'll be no reason for us to take them but if we have to there is nothing to fear it'll be like taking a small plane. A lot of fun! Ok honey?"

"Ok."

"Alright people let's get moving! You there take that pile of covers, you take the bottles of water and you take the extinguisher!"

She did not wait to see if the men obeyed her orders, she picked up Kacey and started running. The explosion had occurred about twenty minutes ago and the fire was spreading quickly from the area of the impact. There was no system of depressurization aboard Cloud Nine, so if the fire-fighting doors were unable to contain the fire in that area until the arrival of the rescue teams they were all screwed.

The more they progressed in the corridors the more people they encountered. Some were injured, some were simply choked. It was a sad scene to witness and it was infuriating. She grabbed one of them, he had apparently come from the crash site and she needed information.

"What's happening back there?" The man stared at her with a blank look. She told Kacey to close her eyes and punched him.

"Hey, why did you do that?" At least now she had his attention.

"I repeat, what is going on back there?"

"A cylon raider crashed itself right in the middle of the restaurant… there was blood. Oh my god, so much blood…" Suddenly he gripped her arms "My wife, have you seen my wife? Helena!!! Helena!!!" The poor man had lost his mind, it was no use. In her experience people who found themselves in danger could either react as heroes, in their own special ways, or could become dangerous, loosing their mind or wanting to survive even if it meant killing to do so. At that moment she would have given anything to have her side arm with her but she had left it on the Galactica thinking that having a gun in a room where a toddler lived was not a very good idea.

They needed to reach the surviving pods, quickly. In her estimation they were halfway to their destination, she prayed that the explosion had not occurred close to the fuel tank.

* * *

"I want a raptor ready in five! Prepare the rescue pods!" 

"Yes sir!"

He had managed to convince his father of letting him take control of the rescue operations. They needed to save the ship, it was one of their biggest as well as one of the most populated. The captain had reported severe damages to the engines, a fire was spreading and their FTL was in need of serious repairs. He swallowed the lump in his throat. Kara was military, she would know what to do to keep herself and Kacey safe.

"Commander, the captain of Cloud Nine is on the line"

"Commander Adama speaking."

"Sir, we have another situation on our hands here." Damn it! What more could go wrong?

"Go ahead captain."

"We're in need of crowd control, several riots have already occurred. Ten people are dead and thirty severely injured. Things are getting out of control here."

"Alright, we'll do what we can captain but our first priority is to contain the fire!" He hung up and yelled "We need a squadron of marines ASAP!"

* * *

Hours latter the fire was under control. The crowed however was not. Somehow a group of religious extremist had managed to pirate the ship's internal communication system thus broadcasting their message through the speakers. 

"We have sinners among us! The cylons are not our enemies. They have been created by the gods to punish the sinners. Our worlds were destroyed because we had lost our way. We became selfish beings who did not lived has the scrolls taught us to, but only sought our own personal pleasure. But the Gods are good and will forgive you if you reform your ways. Come and join us. We'll leave the sinners behind and start a new life in peace following the Gods teaching."

Already a large group of people had gathered in one of the ship conference room, and with each minute their number increased. They were exhausted, scared and thus dangerous. These people would do anything to prevent the horrors they had gone through from happening again.

They were reaching the moment the president had dreaded: people were loosing faith and trying to find solutions elsewhere. After all if fighting had not worked it did not mean that other things would not. Lee could understand them and in the deepest part of his heart he still believed that each human being should have the ability to decide of his destiny. However he was no longer the young naive idealist he had been not so long ago. Their conditions of life had changed: it was no longer about living, it was about surviving. And the survival of humanity came before everything else. And for humanity to survive they needed hope, for every person hope could take a different shape, for him it was Kara, maybe for those people religion was the last thing that kept them going.

He had been unable to localize Kara, she had not been among the casualties, of that he was sure. He had had to look at every awfully burned, scared and deformed body with the search and rescue team while trying to find survivors. They had found twelve of them but sixty others had died in the flames.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a marine who was handing him a phone.

"Captain Thrace on the line sir." He could not help the sight of relief that escaped him. At that precise moment he forgot the horrors he had seen during the day. She was alive and if she was calling him she couldn't be severely injured.

* * *

"Kara?" 

His voice was not quite steady. So he had been worried about her she thought. If she had not been so focus on getting them out of the trap they found themselves in, she might have admit to herself that she was happy about it, it was a proof that he still cared about her. She must have remained silent longer than she had thought because he asked with a little more urgency:

"Kara, are you alright? Is Kacey ok?"

"Yes, yes we're ok. Kacey is a tough little soldier and well I guess I am used to taking care of myself." She said, smiling down at the little girl who was quietly sucking her thumb leaning against her legs. She was tired, poor kid.

"What's your position? Are you able to reach the landing bay?"

"Negative, we're stuck in the emergency compartment with the surviving pods. Right now the only way to get out of here would be to take one of those pods."

"How many people are with you? Is there any injured?"

"We're about thirty. Most of us are in good shape but I am worried about the kids, there was a lot of smoke out there… We also have a man with a broken leg and an unconscious woman."

"Look, I don't know if you heard but the situation aboard is pretty unstable right now. We have a group of extremist makings demands and preventing us from securing the area close to the engines' room. Do you think the pods are functional?"

"Yes, I've checked several of them and everything seems in place."

"Alright, I want you to take one of them. I'll send a raptor to tow you back to Galactica. I'll see you there. Be careful out there."

"We will. And Lee, this goes for you too." She added softly before disconnecting.

* * *

"Patch me through to the Admiral." He had been informed of Kara's arrival aboard the Galactica a few minutes ago. At least now if they needed to execute an emergency jump, she would be aboard a ship with a working FTL and would not be left behind. She was safe. 

"Galactica actual speaking, go ahead Commander." He heard the com officer saying.

"Commander what's your status."

"We're still unable to perform the necessary repairs. And as long as their FTL is not back on line we're an easy target. We need to consider a passage in force sir."

"Is it possible to negotiate? The president does not want any civilian casualties, and I think she is right. We're in a difficult position here son. There are others pockets of dissidents in the fleet which are waiting to see what we'll do. One false step and we'll have a full fledged rebellion on our hands."

"Their terms are unacceptable. They're asking to be given a ship large enough to accommodate all of them, as well as enough food, water, and fuel to allow them to reach a planet." He paused letting the implication of what he had just told his father sink in. "They're asking us to let them go to a certain death."

"Who are the leaders? "

"We don't know exactly, up until now we've only had direct contact with a man called Cicenon. No last name. From what we've been able do determine he lost his whole family during the first attack, he used to be a professor of theology."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"Are the rescue operations over?"

"Affirmative."

"We've still not been able to determine how the cylons found us and they could attack at any minute. I want you back on Galactica with your pilots. I'll send someone else to start the negotiations. We will see how the situation evolves before taking extreme measures.

* * *

As soon as he stepped on Galactica he went in search of Kara. He needed to see her, touch her, to assure himself that she was really ok. She had been cleared by the Doc and one of his pilots told him that he had seen her heading toward the bunkroom. 

The room was quiet, the lights dimmed, her curtains were closed. He opened them slowly revealing two bodies curled up together. They were lying above the covers, Kacey's head resting on Kara's breast, Kara holding her protectively. He took a spare cover, spread it on them and then brushed Kara's hairs away from her face, caressed her check before whispering "I love you."

* * *

TBC...

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"We need to talk!"

Typical Starbuck. No 'Hello, did you sleep well' or any niceties of that kind, no she preferred to wrench your curtains open and inform you of her displeasure. Rubbing his eyes, trying to adjust to the bright light he sat up in his bunk. Three hours of sleep was not enough to deal with a pissed off Kara he thought grimly.

"Would you mind giving me a few minutes before chewing my head off? Please?" He added in an after thought.

"What are you doing here?" Obviously she was not in a patient mood either.

"Sleeping?"

"Don't be a dumb ass!" The confused look he gave her must have worked since after muttering under her breath something, he did not catch quite what but was sure it was not nice, she explained as if he was a two year old:

"I mean, what are you doing sleeping here in this bunk, in the officers' bunkroom I might add, instead of in your own cozy quarters with your charming wife?"

"If I tell you that I missed the beauty of the place you're not going to believe me, will you?" She flashed him a 'quit annoying me or you might soon loose a limb' look. He ignored it, stretched and rubbed his face once more.

Half naked and his mind fuzzy with sleep was not the way he had imagine telling her he had left his wife. Actually he had planned on going slowly, getting their friendship back before dropping the bomb shell. It was stupid he should have known that living on the same Battlestar she would learn of his sleeping arrangement sooner or later.

"I am still waiting for an answer there Adama!" She was angry but he could see that she was nervous as well; her hands gave it away. He grabbed his shirt and pants, got dressed quickly taking this opportunity to gather his thoughts. When he finally turned around he found her invading his personal space. Not backing away he looked her straight in the eyes and quietly but clearly told her:

"I think you know why Kara." She said nothing for a while, did not move. She stood only inches from him erect and proud daring him to go on, to explain. He could feel her breath on his checks; her lips were so close to his own that it took all of his restrain not to kiss them. Eventually she caved in and looked away. It was something the old Kara would never have done; she would have punched him in the jaw instead. But she had changed and her protective walls were just a little bit thinner than before. She asked again her voice completely stripped of her previous bravado "Why?"

* * *

"Why?" The question hung between them in the silent room. 

"Why did you not tell me Lee? Why?"

Since her return aboard Galactica Lee was always present at her side, a silent shadow watching over her, giving her the strength she needed to face each new day. With the cylons' raiders constant suicide attacks runs she had been forced back in the cockpit rather quickly. To her relief the nightmares that had plagued her since New Caprica had stopped disturbing her sleep and she was once more at one hundred percent of her capacities. She was slowly recovering from her ordeal and her nightly talk with Lee had been one of the major factor, the other one being Kacey.

Those conversations had started one night when after having put Kacey to sleep with a story of what she now referred as the Adama's story book, she had found Lee seated on the bunk opposing hers, staring at her.

He had told her "I don't think I ever got to ear the end of that story, always fell asleep before" then with a chuckle he had asked "Is there even an end?"

For the very first time in a long time there had been no animosity behind his words, he had looked boyish his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. He had invited her to join him on the mattress and then they had traded childhood tales. Well he actually had told the stories and she had listened. It had happened again the next night and the next and the next… Sometime they'd talked about their day and laugh together other time they would brush more serious subjects. Bit by bit she found herself telling him of her captivity in the cylons' prison, most of it he knew already but some she had never told anyone of. She had even talked about her mother one evening and to her surprise he had understood her as only someone who had been through the same thing could have. She had her theory about it but she asked no question, he would tell her if he wanted, if not then it was no big deal everyone was untitled to their own dark secrets.

They were building back their relationship brick by brick, learning to trust one another once again. Or at least she had thought they were up until this morning when she had overheard a conversation in the mess between two petty officers who were gossiping about Apollo's upcoming divorce. The fragile balance that had established itself between them had been destroyed in a second, because _he _obviously still didn't trust her. No surprise there she had thought bitterly, with the number of one-eighty she had pulled on him in the past how could he ever trust her with his heart again?

"_I think you know why Kara."_

She was not strong enough to let him reject her. She needed him by her side and she was not going to let this trust issue come between them. He was still standing very close, watching her as if waiting for her to take the first step. She took his left hand in hers and brushed her lips to his knuckles.

"I am sorry Lee."

"I…what? Kara, what are you apologizing for?"

"I am sorry I put you through so much crap that you now feel I am not trustworthy enough to be told about your divorce. I really though we were getting past that."

"You're wrong you know."

"Then if I am wrong, why the big secret? Hum? Why did you let me think that you were still happily married to the sweetest woman in the fleet? Why did I have to find out about it through the rumor mill? Why pretend that I was your friend?"

By the end of her tirade she was screaming at him, her fits were closed tightly an indication that she was about to strike something, probably his face. He caught her wrists in his hands and taking her by surprised, pulled her whole length against him and kissed her with all he had. She resisted trying to wrench herself free from his hold so he cornered her against a wall, she tried to talk, he took this opportunity to invade her mouth with his tongue and when she relaxed and reciprocated the kiss he let her go.

His breathing swallow, his head buried in her neck he whispered in her ear: "This is why Kara. This is why."

* * *

TBC... 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

He ran his hand over the expanse of bare skin that was left uncovered by her tank top. His touch was tender, strangely soothing. They had not moved since Lee had pretty much declared that she was the reason that had pushed him to leave his wife. She was still in his arms her back pushed against the wall, her hands caressing the hairs at the nape of his neck. A strange sense of peacefulness had invaded the room and none of them was willing to break the magic of this instant. She let her head rest against his chest letting herself being lulled by his caresses and the rhythmical thump of his heart resounding in her ears.

They were pulled back to reality by the insistent banging on the hatch followed by some swearing. She felt Lee tense.

"I have a meeting with the Admiral." She nodded against his chest still unwilling to break contact. He lifted her face and then rested his forehead against hers. "We still need to talk."

"Yes we do."

"We could eat dinner together with Kacey and then talk after her bedtime?" The insecurity she could detect in his voice made her want to hurt herself. They still had a long way to go before either of them could really believe that the other would not try to run away at the first sign of trouble.

"We'll be there don't worry. Now go or you'll be late. I have to drop off Kacey to daycare anyway." She squeezed his hand before untangling herself from his embrace and immediately missed his body heat; she had gotten used to the cold atmosphere of a battlestar over the years and had forgotten how good it felt to feel warm and safe. By the time she had regained her senses Lee had left and Hotdog was staring at her with a smirk plastered on his face.

"I never thought I would see the great Starbuck blush one day. You must be human after all!" She walked past him, still in a daze, leaving behind a rather dumbstruck pilot who had expected a tongue lashing for his quip.

* * *

It turned out that they were unable to have dinner, another cylon attack saw to that. This time they almost lost a refinery ship, they had no idea on how the cylon managed to track them jump after jump. They were inspecting every ship looking for tracking devises or a cylon agent that had managed to stay undetected even thought it was highly unlikely. 

"The only explanation would be the existence of a cylon model we had never encountered before." Lee said rubbing his hand across his face tiredly. He had not slept in over thirty six hours and exhaustion was setting in.

"If we've managed to come to this conclusion then the civilians will reach it very soon. The situation is already explosive with the extremist groups, it would surely escalade to full blown rebellion and I don't want a repeat of the Cloud Nine incident. We lost too many souls that day between the explosion and the assault." The negotiation team had managed to convinced most of the survivors not to follow the extremist leader, however a very small group of fanatics had refused to surrender and the marines had had to give assault, killing twenty people. Ever since, pockets of religious fanatics kept trying to stir trouble among a population of civilians who was slowly reaching its breaking point.

"So what do you want us to do? Lie to them? tell them that we found a tracking devise? And then what? What do we say when the cylons find us again?" Lee asked a touch of derision lining his voice.

"To be honest I don't know what we should do. If we tell the truth we will soon be faced with a witch hunt, people will get hurt."

"On the other hand if we don't give them answers then people will look for them elsewhere, with people like Cicenon for instance. I say give them something to focus on, it might even help us to identify those new cylons." His father and the president could spend hours arguing about the best course of action. He wasn't needed anymore and he really needed to sleep.

"Admiral, Madame President, if you'll excuse me but I need to catch some rack time before the next attack."

"Your right Major, dismissed."

* * *

She couldn't sleep, Lee was resting a few feet away from her and she could feel her lips tingling with the memory of his kisses and her skin burning with the memory of his touch. She had heard him come in a few minutes ago, had heard the sound of closes being removed and imagined him as he went through his nightly routine of stretching sore muscles before laying down on his bunk. They had not been able to talk, nothing was resolved between them but she wanted to feel his arms around her, maybe then her traitorous body would allow her to sink in a deep and undisturbed sleep. She was already loosing her independency, really fast, and it was scaring the hell out off her, but once she had decided something Kara never backed down. She would be with Lee and for once take the happiness that was offered to her. 

She slide down beside him on the narrow mattress, instinctively his body fitted itself against hers, his front against her back, his arm around her waist. She snuggled in his warmth and let sleep take hold of her.

* * *

"Why is Kara sleeping in Lee's bed?" A small voice asked. 

"Well, Kacey, humm..." an embarrassed cough "Well sometime when you get lonely or have nightmares you sleep in Kara's bed, don't you?"

"But Kara is a grown up, and grown ups don't get scared like me." Oh god he was going to kill Kara for this. How do you explain to a two and a half year old the birds and the bees?

"Ok, I'll tell you why but if you need more information you'll have to ask Kara, after all she is the one that knows the answer to your question better than anyone else, isn't she?." He took the kid on his laps trying to formulate an adequate answer. "You know that mommies and daddies share a bed? Well Lee and Kara they like each other a lot and they like to be together like mommies and daddies do, so they share a bed."

"Do that mean that Lee will be my daddy, uncle Helo?"

"Well you'll have to ask him that. Anyway I think it's time to get dressed missy or you'll be late to daycare."

"Oh! Mrs. Bunny won't be happy if I am!" She run toward the bunk where the sleeping pair was still dead to the world and was about to jump on them when Helo grabbed her around her waist and howling her up in his arms told her "Let them sleep a while longer, they're really tired, ok?"

"Ok!"

* * *

TBC... 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

When he awoke a tuff of blond hair was obscuring his view. Pretty confusing since he did not remember going to bed with the owner of said hair the previous night. His body however was not confused at all, and was reacting the way every normal male waking up next to a beautiful women would. But they had not quite yet reached the point where he could leave free reins to his body so he untangled himself from their embrace and kissed her brow before heading for a cold shower.

°°°°°°°°°

"Major"

"Admiral you've asked to see me?"

"Yes. We've received new information since our discussion yesterday." He sat heavily on his couch and rubbed his neck for a while. He obviously had not slept much. "Take a seat son, it might take a while." Lee could sense the tension radiating from his father so he stayed silent giving him time to gather his thoughts.

"Early this morning a civilian named Lucius Organa asked to see the president. He claimed that he had information about the cylons. As you know such claims are current occurrence these days but this man is part of what they call 'the New Church'." This got Lee's attention, this 'New Church' was one of the extremist religious movement demanding peace and collaboration with the cylons. They were at the origins of discords among the civilian population and had been put under close surveillance since the events aboard Cloud Nine. "The president felt it might be important and received him. He was nervous, said he was putting his life in danger by coming to see us and refused to talk until he was assured a full pardon and protection against potential reprisals."

"I thought 'the new church' was a pacific movement." Lee said. His father snorted.

"Yeah well apparently they're willing to kill a few people if it means they'll be able to reach their goal. Anyway, this witnessed something that did not sit right with his beliefs and I quote "is willing to betray his brother of the 'New Church' in the interest of a greater good".

"He seems to be a real peace of work." Lee observed.

"Yes he is but what he had to say was really interesting. It seems that the 'New Church' decided that their cause was not progressing quickly enough. Things were too quiet and people were starting to get used to being on the run. Most of them stoped wishing for a new world since New Caprica. One of their leaders managed to contact the cylons and proposed a deal: he would give them the coordinate of the fleet after every jump thus creating enough unrest to convert a lot of people to there ideas, and in exchange when the time would come the cylons would provide them with the means to start a new world."

Lee got up suddenly "They're insane! The cylons will never give them anything in return, they'll kill them all and be done with it!" Gods, he had known that humans were flown but those people were willing to sacrifice what remained of their species and for what? Power, beliefs… He had no idea. He took a deep breath trying to calm the urge he had to grab something and smash it on the wall. "Do we know who the leaders he talked of are?"

"No we don't. They're very well organized, the lowest members only knows the priests who only know their superiors and so on. If we wanted to reach that person whoever he is, we would have to take down the pyramid bit by bit. However our informant as I told you witnessed a scene that triggered his change of heart: he surprised a conversation between two church members relating everything I've just told you. And he would be able to identify those two men."

"Since they were privy to the church's plan we can assume that they are well placed in the church's hierarchy. So you intend to arrest them, get the names you need and neutralize the instigators of this plot as quickly as possible."

"That's the idea. And I want you to command that mission."

"I…" Seeing that his son was about to protest the admiral raised a hand to silent him.

"I realize that with the attacks you fell that your duties as a CAG take precedent over this mission. But I need someone I trust for this Lee. Kara will assume your responsibilities. As I understand she is doing much better and I think she is ready for this."

"She might be ready dad, but does she want to? She's changed since she came back; her priorities are not the same. Kacey comes first and the CAG's duties will not leave her much time for her role as a mother."

"You seemed to know pretty well what Kara would want or not? Is there something you forgot to tell me?" At that moment in time Lee had the distinct impression that he was once again a sixteen year old caught by his parents necking his girlfriend in his room. He was no longer that teenage boy but his father as the Admiral could still forbid him to see a girl according to the regulations. But there was no point denying that his relationship with Kara was a lot more than the one of a superior officer with a pilot and it also went beyond a simple friendship. So he answered his father not without some trepidation but also with the assurance that came after years of dealing with a parent. "There is nothing to tell right now. There might however be something in the close future." Then and only then did he risk a glance at his father who did not look surprised at all. If Lee had not been so nervous he might even have detect the ghost of a smile betraying the admiral present state of mind. And that's why the look on Lee's face could not be interpreted as anything else than surprise when he heard his father reply.

"It's about time, I feared that I'd never get grandchildren. You known Lee I might be getting old but I am not clueless, you've been circling each other for years now. Be happy that's the only thing I want for the both of you. You've earned the right to be more than anyone else."

°°°°°°

She was sitting in the observation room, alone, obvious to the world around her. Lee had found her a few hours ago to relate the event of the night and explain what the Admiral had ordered him to do. She had accepted the CAG's responsibilities without a second thought. They were at war and she would not be the only mother having to sacrifice some time with her child for the sake of survival.

Kacey had fallen into a routine that worked as a safety blanket for her. She no longer feared being left alone with other people than Kara and the nightmares were gone. She was once again a happy two year old who understood that mommies had to work in order to protect children like her.

Kara knew what she wanted and that made all the difference. She wanted a family with Lee. It was as simple as that. It was amazing what she had had to go through to finally accept this simple truth. She did not dream of a happily ever after because those were best left for fairy tells, but she would take every moment of happiness life would give her and make of those moments an eternity.

Her musing was disturbed by someone clearing his throat. She turned around and was faced with Lee holding a sleeping little girl.

"I went to pick her up at daycare and thought we might enjoy this evening off. God only knows when we will next have a moment alone" He lay Kacey on one of the seat and sat next to her. "You're pretty quiet. Is there a problem?"

"No, no problem, I was just thinking."

"Oh that's something new. Starbuck thinking…" He teased. She elbowed him in the ribs. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"It's not new. I simply hide it very well, not like some others who let their head take all the fun away." He kissed her then, at first only brushing his lips against hers until the slight pressure drove her crazy only then did he relented and deepened the kiss, making her breathless and light headed. He pulled away for a while his lips hovering near her earlobe, little puff of air teasing her and he whispered "Then I am honored." He nipped the soft skin of her neck. "Very honored that you let me in one of your deepest secret Starbuck." He did not let her anytime to react and went back to kissing her mouth angrily.

It was the small voice of Kacey that broke them apart. She was looking at them with wide round eyes. "Why you kissing?"

"heum…" But before they could formulate an adequate answer the toddler said:

"Daddies kiss mommies." She obviously was not awaiting an answer. Lee answered anyway.

"Yes they do." They watched her silently. Her little face was scrunched up in concentration as she mulled over the problem that was presenting itself.

"Mommies and daddies sleep together uncle Helo say." This drew a choked cry out of Kara.

"He said what!!! Oh I am going to kill him!!" But Kacey oblivious to her mother anger kept on talking.

"So Lee is Daddy!!" A wide smile lit up her face. She looked from Kara to Lee expecting a confirmation of her brilliant conclusion. Lee not knowing what to say sat dumb stuck clearly waiting a reaction from Kara. She took his hand and squeezed hard, he squeezed back and gave her a small nod witch was all she needed to make her decision.

"Yes sweetheart, Lee is your Daddy now."

* * *

The epilogue will be up soon. I hope you enjoyed the story. 


	10. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"So Kacey, how did you find your little brother?" The little girl looked up at her grandfather, she had been doing some coloring quietly on the couch for the past hour, focused on the task at hand. She was usually an inquisitive four year old, full of questions and always in movement witch was why her present stillness intrigued the Admiral.

"He is small, red and quite wrinkled." Was her only answer.

"Well, it's normal, every newborn baby looks like that."

"Do they? Because he is not very beautiful and Nicholas' little sister was much prettier." She said already sounding a lot more like herself.

"Every baby is different Kace. But the next time you'll see him he won't be as red or wrinkled."

"He is too small to play with me and he made mummy scream. She had a very bad tummy ache because of him, you know?" Oh, so that was the real problem. Kacey had been with Kara when she had gone into labor and she had refused to leave her side up until the moment Cottle had had her forcefully removed from the room. The poor thing must have been traumatized by that experience. He sat next to her and lifted her in his lap. She snuggled against his chest and started sucking her thumb. "You know Kace for a baby to be born the muscle in the mommy's tummy have to contract and that hurts a lot, but it's normal. When you were born the same thing happened to your mother."

"Really?" She did not seem convinced.

"Yes, really. If you don't believe me you can ask mommy and daddy about that, they'll explain it much better than me." She nodded into his chest but did not answer. He sight, he would have to tell Lee about it. Kara's pregnancy had not been planed but Kacey had been overjoyed with the prospect of a little brother, thus her parents had not been too much worried about her reaction to the birth. This would be an unforeseen complication but Lee and Kara were great with her and they would find the words to reassure her. He rubbed her back for a while, soothing her to sleep and thinking of his new grandson.

°°°°°°°

Kara studied her son as he nursed, running her hands up and down his small body memorizing its shape and details from the black as ink cap of hair to the wide opened blue eyes, small dimpled hands and plump legs. She had fallen in love with him the moment he had entered the world howling blue murder at being pulled away from the warm cocoon of his mother's womb. Lee had been there next to her, holding her hand and supporting her throughout the whole horrendous process of labor and birth, a calm reassuring presence. He had been the one to put their son in her arms, a wide grin on his face and slightly misty eyes. Then he had slide behind her, engulfing the both of them in his protecting embrace. They had stayed this way a long time enjoying this rare moment of pure bliss. She had now been back to their quarters a whole week but her fascination with her new son had not abated. She could spend hours just staring at him as he slept or did any little thing babies did.

"Mama?!" Kacey screamed running into the room closely followed by Lee.

"Hey Kace! How was your day at school?" She let Lee take the baby and picked up the little girl, kissing her brow.

"I did a drawing for you!" She gave her a sheet of paper where four figures were drawn. "There is me, daddy, you and Raphael. I made him bigger than he really is obviously, but he'll be that big one day so it's ok I think." Kara glanced at Lee over Kacey's shoulder and smiled before answering the child. "Yes Kace, it's ok. I don't think he'll mind it too much." The talk they had had with her had obviously worked and she had taken the role of big sister in stride, wanting to help them with everything or talking with the baby trying to teach him about something or another. It was rather cute.

Lee sat next to her and reached out to take her hand in his. The baby had fallen asleep and Kacey had started sucking her thumb an indication that she would soon follow her little brother in dream land. The past two years had not been easy, they had had to adapt to the life as husband and wife as well as parents: to say that it had been a bumpy ride would be putting it mildly. They had fought, scream and hurt one another but their relationship had become stronger with each fight and nowadays they were sparse and distant. Beside those battles of wiles had always leaded to fabulous bouts of make up sex, Raphael was the result of one of those passionate moments.

They were happy, the world she had dreamt for her children was no longer a dream, they had reached earth a few weeks ago and people had started going down to settle themselves on this new planet so different from what they had imagined. The people were not technologically advanced. They would be unable to understand the concept of other planets with life and even much less the one of space travels since they still believed that the Earth was not round but flat. They lived in small farming communities called villages, were wary of strangers and believed in one god. The teams that had been sent down to evaluate the situation had returned advising the admiral and the president to establish the fleet in a deserted area where the colonials would not come in contact with the autochthones at least for the moment. That's where Lee had spent the day, trying to find a spot to build a house.

She had been lost in her reminiscences and had not seen Lee put the baby in his bassinet, so she was a little bit startled when the silent was broken.

"Let me put her in bed and then we can talk, ok?" He already had Kacey in his arms before she could respond. She stood up and straightened the bed covers and nestled in their pillows. When Lee walked back to her she gave him a coy smile and extended her hand toward him.

"Are you going to join me flight boy?"

"You bet I will." He took her hand, kissed it and then molded his body against hers resting his head on her chest. "I really love those new curves of yours you know." He teased. She playfully hit him on the shoulder.

"Well, they're for your son, not you, so if you want to enjoy them you'd better be nice."

"How much longer do we have to wait?" She was slowly massaging his scalp and this simple caress was already arousing him. They were not used to long periods of abstinence but the birth of Raphael was forcing them to behave at least for a while.

"You know what the Doc said: a month to six weeks. But there are plenty other things we could do to help with the frustration."

"Gods Kara, you're going to be the death of me."

"But you love me anyway, don't you?" He rested his head on his elbow and studied her for a while then he caressed her check with his knuckles.

"Yes, Lee Adama loves Kara Adama, always will." He said softly.

"And Kara Thrace loves Lee Adama, always will." He did not miss the Thrace part; it was a recurring battle between them. But it did not matter, it was one of the reason why he loved her, she never gave up a thing, therein lay the challenge, to make her change her mind. One of the best ways to do that was to kiss her into oblivion, and that was exactly what he intended to do.

**The End**


End file.
